What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
