I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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