Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize