I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
