You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
