Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
