I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize