you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Houston, we have a blender
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
