At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
