4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
