He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
