Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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