i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
