alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize