The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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