I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
