im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
