Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
