adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
