Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
