I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
