This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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