i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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