We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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