i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it's like iHOP with fire
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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