he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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