So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
