my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
