College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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