we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
