And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
