I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
