You just made me feel so damn special
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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