I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think I just sharted jello shots
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