thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
