Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
