...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
