we're chasing vodka with high fives
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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