How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
