dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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