based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
