no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Damn victory sex feels great
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
