Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize