If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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