i barfeds in our rink
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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