Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
