On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
