tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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