yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize