My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
