Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize