What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize