Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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