i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize