dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
