You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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