She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
