We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
