I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will pee on everything he values.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
