My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
