At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
