The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Vodka?
Forever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
