someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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