We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
