my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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