your parents love me but you hate me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
