just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
