Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
