I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
