you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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