Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
