Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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