It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
