Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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