The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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