I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
where am i from again
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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