Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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