Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
